When my sister died through suicide—as an adult, but still my little sister—I, my parents and our family and friends all grappled with that persistent but elusive question, ‘Why?’ We were grieving, coping with the pain of our loss, and trying to make some sense of what had happened. When it finally arrived, the coroner’s verdict confirmed the facts and conclusion on the cause of death that we already knew. The lack of any personal contact from any professionals was something we accepted. It may not have made any difference to our understanding of her death, but it might have allowed us to tell her story—our story, to ask our questions, and to take some further steps in our grieving journey.

Reflecting on that time, I am struck by how our experience mirrors that of so many families I have met after the death of their child. I have had the privilege of sitting alongside parents in the agonising hours after their child’s death, and in the weeks and months that have followed. Each of those encounters has brought both pain and beauty in the intimacy of a parent’s love for their child. Every parent’s loss is an individual loss; their experience is theirs alone. And yet, there are commonalities (figure 1).

The commonality and individuality of grief.

For all …